- The ancient Babylonians were the first to brew. If fact, they took their beer so seriously, if you brewed a bad batch your punishment was to be drowned in it.
- Camel beer. Beer is made 100% camel poop high fiber! Ok taste!
- Beer is mostly composed of water. Which isn't particularly interesting.
- What is interesting, however, is that the water in certain regions were originally better suited to making certain types of beer.
- Dublin's mineral-rich water, for example, was great for making Stout such as Guinness.
- You don't need special water, however, for a beer tsunami!
- In the middle ages clean water was often difficult to find. Many people chose to drink beer instead because the alcohol made is safer than water.
- In 1814, a brewery tank containing 3.500 barrels of beer ruptured causing a tidal wave of beer through a London Parish. Two house were demolished and nine people died. Perhaps they went to Valhalla.
- Store it upright. This minimizes oxidation and contamination from the cap.
- Vikings believed that a giant goat whose udders provided an endless supply of beer was waiting for them in Valhalla (Viking heaven).
- Cenosillicaphobia is fear of an empty glass. This is why we recommend double-fisting.
- Pilgrims on the Mayflower stopped at Plymouth Rock rather than continuing on to Virginia because they ran out of beer.
- Prohibition in the US lasted 13 years 10 months 19 days 17 hours 32.5 minutes. Afterwards, president Roosevelt said: "What America needs now is a drink". What he really meant: "Let's get wasted mothafuckaaas".
How beer is made (in a nutshell)
- First, malted barley is mixed with hot water, creating the "mash", a mushy oatmeal-like substance. Next, a sugary liquid called wort is drained off.
- The hops come after that. The hops are boiled with the wort to add bitterness, flavor, and aroma. Hops are the flower of a vine which is a member of the marijuana family. (But you can't smoke hops, so don't dry)
- Next, yeast is mixed with the hopped wort and left to ferment. The yeast converts sugar into ethanol and carbon dioxide. Ethanol is what gets you drink. Not everyone likes being drunk. Co2 adds bubbles to the beer.
Everyone likes bubbles.
- Most beer falls into two categories: 1) Ales. When the yeast ferments at higher temperatures and stays at the surface, it produces an ale. Super toasty yeast sits at the top. Popular ales include Pale Ale, Porter,
Hefeweizen, Blonde, IPA, Belgian Ale, and Amber; 2) Lagers. When it ferments at a lower temperature and does not float at the surface, it produces a lager. Not-so-toasty yeast floats around. Popular lagers include
Pilsner, Bock, Marzen, Helles, Doppelbock, and Dunkel.
- Lastly, it sits and ferments for a few weeks until it's put into a bottle, keg, or water balloon and voila a beer is born.
- You can categorize beer in many ways. One way is mouthfeel (how it feels in your mouth).
- Michael Jackson died on August 30, 2007. Michael Jackson was an author and beer critic who helped start a renaissance of interest in beer in the 70s.
How you get drunk
- After drinking booze, the alcohol is absorbed into your stomach and small intestine and eventually enters the bloodstream, where it is carried throughout the body.
- Drinking on an empty stomach makes you get drunk faster because the alcohol is absorbed more quickly.
- Your body eliminates the alcohol through urination, breathing it out, and by breaking it down in the liver.
- Your body can break down about one drink an hour. When you drink faster than your body can process, you get drunk.
- Next, we'll take a ride on the booze choo-choo train through your brain!
- First it hits the cerebral cortex. This makes you more talkative.
- When the alcohol reaches the hippocampus of your brain, it causes memory loss and exaggerated emotions.
- The cerebellum keeps you balanced. When alcohol hits it, you loose coordination.
- If the alcohol reaches your medulla, you're in trouble. The medulla regulates activities which you do not have to think about, like regulating your heart rate and breathing.
A few bitchin' beer quotes
- "You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer" - Frank Zappa.
- "Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer" - Dave Barry.
- "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer" - Homer Simpson.