Do you need a social media detox?
Most experts agree that social media has revolutionized the ??? people interact with one another. Yet, for all its benefits, it has a dark side: creeping addictiveness. It often starts at a young age, with nothing more than a harmless, occasional status update. Upon adulthood, however, it explodes into a fun-blown debilitating condition. Obsessive "places" check-ins, "tikes", and improper acronym use abound. Think you've experienced any of the above? Below are the signs and symptoms that you might be need of a social media detox.
- Symptom 1. Tweet speak.
@Kathy Spent the weekend updating my profile #whatidoeveryweekend
When co-workers ask what you did over the weekend, your replies come in the form of 140 characters or less. In fact, you find talking at any length greater than 140 characters to be both vexing and boring.
- Symptom 2. Thumbs-up paralysis.
Next week oo Tosh.O...
When you experience approval, or some kind of enjoyment in life, your thumb automatically extends into an upright position. This condition becomes particularly acute when you engage in a "liking" rampage on Facebook.
- Symptom 3. Retweet depression.
You are often thrown into bouts of manic depression when you discover that your tweets have not been re-tweeted enough. This depression often deepens when you find that your Tumblr posts have not been re-blogged, or your Facebook status updates have not been liked.
- Symptom 4. Lol-Tisms.
In real-life conversations, when something is particularly funny, you often begin "Lol-ing" uncontrollably. No, not just laughing at loud, but literally spelling out the letter "L-O-L" in order to demonstrate your enjoyment of the joke. Terminal symptoms often include the persistent use of "ROLF", "LMFAO", "Lollerskating" and "ROFLcopter".
- Symptom 5. Account hoarding.
Social media addicts are often prolific hoarders.While most hoarders hold onto boxes full of unusable garbage, social media hoarders hold onto accounts from social networking sites that have long lost their popularity. They refuse to give up on the infinitesimal chance that they may become popular again.
- Symptom 6. Supreme mayor
You have strived mightily, and consequently achieved mayorship of over 30 different locations. You've even altered your daily route so that you can check-in as often as possible in as many different locations as possible. You've also inevitable been removed by security on more than one occasion for frequent loitering.
- Symptom 7. Fake farmer
The line between "reality" and "social media reality" often becomes blurred. Just because you are one of the top farmers on FarmVille doesn't mean that your plans to start your own farm will go over too well -mostly due to the fact that 90% of your time is spent on the Internet and not outdoors.
- Symptom 8. Ahab syndrome
You are often thrown into a seething, uncontrollable rage when one or more of your frequent social networks is down. You exhibit Captain Ahab-type tendencies when the infamous Fail Whale appears, and then yell at the girl at the Genius Bar for not moving fast enough when removing the harpoon you put through your Macbook Pro.
- Symptom 9. Device obsession
You have spent most of your income on multiple devices that automatically update ad of your social networks while simultaneously registering for new ones fresh out of SXSW Interactive. You would have gone there yourself, but that would have meant time away from your intricately-crafted social media hub.
- Symptom 10. Offline complex
On the off-chance that you leave behind your iPhone, iPad, laptop, Droid, or any other mobile device, your lack of constant interaction with social media causes you to slip into a paranoid psychosis. The world begins to close in on you, and you seek the only refuge you can - your trusty Reddit mask.